Friday, December 20, 2013

The Walking Dead, a Horticultural Lament

Beefs with Walking Dead



I’ve been pretty impressed by the responses I have received for my blog re: the whole Duck Dynasty / Phil Robertson blow up.  So, I figured I would throw another one out there which focuses on a popular TV show, from my own, very personal perspective. 
One of my favorite shows of the past few years is The Walking Dead.  Yes, it is a tired premise.  The zombie motif hasn’t been the same since Zombieland.  Those guys just nailed it.  The dystopian genre, among my favorites, should not be limited to the undead, as there are many, very well done shows about the apocalypse (check out the BBC’s Survivors). 
Regardless, The Walking Dead has garnered a huge following.  Bottom line is it is a pretty good show.  I like the premise and the cast’s relationships which have developed thus far.  Now in its 5th season for those with cable, I’m a little behind the times with seeing the 4th season, free and streaming, on pollystreaming.com. 
With the first few episodes, several personal peeves surfaced, peeves which had percolated throughout the previous seasons.  However, I can put those peeves aside and suspend disbelief enough to deeply enjoy the show.  However, again, these peeves cannot go unaddressed.  Secretly, I wish for a job as a continuity editor on such a show, so this could serve as a brief C.V.
Season 4 finds our heroes and heroines holed up in a prison.  As with the preceding episodes, it takes place in the south, apparently in Georgia.  My elation that a big budget show would take on filming in the South is hard to contain.  The native vegetation seen on screen enhances the authenticity of this.  I am so glad to see a show that isn’t obviously filmed in the west.
Many episodes show the characters out in the woods.  Daryl is a product of this back woods, bred in the wild characters.  Hershel, with his agrarian background, small town vet persona, is perfect and does not betray his authenticity through his accent.  Rick, the key figure, is convincingly died in the wool good ole boy.
Herein lie my grievances.  Some of these gripes originate long before Season 4, but, as I am currently working to beef up my blog, and could not take it anymore, I am speaking out.  There is no excuse for these flubs.
First, let us examine Hershel’s collection of Elderberry with the intent of treating those infected with a strange leap from bite infections to some other vector.  Elderberry has been known for centuries as having antioxidant, antiviral, and anti-inflammatory properties.    His premise is that this is a natural, readily available herb which could hold off the rampant contagion turning healthy folk into zombies, without the previously isolated case of bites.
All of this makes perfect sense to me.  During a working summer in an English garden, my cottage was visited by some Travelers wishing to harvest the prolific berries of the 20’ tall Elderberry in my backyard.  Sure, why not.  The Travelers were a demographic I could relate to, having spent several years deeply enamored with the Grateful Dead.  These folks were basically a travelling parking lot event, living the dream.
The huge drupes of fruit were there for the taking.  The Travelers offered to cook me supper and libation in return for the favor.  Their goal was to collect the fruit with which to make medicinal concoctions and juice.  The flowers were also prized earlier in the season.  Quickly, they set up orchard ladders and harvested a ridiculous amount of fruit; snip, snip, dropping fruiting heads 8” across into their bags.
So, Hershel goes into the obviously Oak / Hickory forest and begins harvesting plants, making it known his intent.  The problem is two fold: 1)  The plants he was harvesting were undeniably recently planted.  Their crowns were above ground and they were arranged in a most unnatural way, and incredibly uniform.  2)  The harvested plants were far from being Elderberry.  Elderberry has a palmate leaf (I think that is the term) whereas this plant had a simple ovate leaf.  Busted.
Next faux pa was with some cover applied to the set.  Often, to give the atmosphere of overgrown, loads of viney plants are placed around the set.  In one segment, Tyreese, Daryl, and Michonne  go to town, hoping to harvest some pharmaceuticals  and whatever else worthwhile can be salvaged with the hope of saving their ailing friends.  In the process, they hack their way through loads of vegetation to access a vehicle.
Here’s the rub:  the vines they are hacking, which are a very prominent part of our southern proliferation, are very visibly without life support.  By this, I mean that it is obvious the vines, stretching from ground level into the trees tens of yards above, are blatantly beyond life.   The leaves are withered or scorched, perfect testaments to having been cut, placed, and subjected to too much heat and lack of water. 
Then, here comes a biggie, one which always annoys me across the board of post-apocalyptic shows, is the height of the grass. In every example I have seen, the grass has been cut within the last month.  With The Walking Dead, let us assume society collapsed at least 2 years before Season 4 debuted. 
This past year, I injured my hip in February, had surgery in May, and have been lame since the beginning.  Only through the good will of friends did I get my grass cut this season.  The first cut was chest high with a brush mower, which struggled with the volume of grass.  After that, two cuts with a heavy duty riding mower were required before one could even saunter out to the back garden.  There is no way in hell grass could be kept at the height shown without regular maintenance. 
Then there is Carol and Rick’s venture into a subdivision to reconnoiter supplies.  Along their way, they discover some other survivors who have made do with the natural bounty available.  Carol and Rick go out foraging and stumble upon a great harvest of tomatoes. Summertime in Georgia, what could be more natural than ripe tomatoes?
Let’s look at the tomato.  First, it is an annual.  This means one must plant it every year to yield a plant and fruit.  Of course, tomatoes are notorious for self-seeding, planting themselves wherever ripe fruit set seed.  I have grown self-sown toms, loved the random results, and not  paid much attention.  What bugged me about these plants is they were perfectly staked, with an assumed period of neglect.
Tomatoes require constant attention in their growing life.  They will quickly shoot up to 6’or 9’.  To produce good fruit, one must monitor and manage this.  Such was not the case in this episode.  Wondering through an urban wasteland, our compatriots discover multiple, perfect tomato plants and harvest bags full.
Last, but by no means least, there is the choice of material for reinforcing the perimeter fence securing the prison from the beasties.  As the hordes of undead pressed against this defense, the fence began to give way.  Huge walls of chain link fence, bolstered by steel poles set in the ground, and topped with razor wire, began to fall.  Here, we have a very existential threat.
Of course, this was not a total surprise.  Everyone could see it coming, including the characters.  They took proactive action by placing poles to reinforce the actual fence.  Unfortunately, they once again made a strategic mistake.  They used pine poles.
Pine is good wood, if you want a bazillion 2x4s or other dimensional lumber.  If you are fighting zombies, I would highly recommend going with something with less flex and a longer life span when exposed to the elements.  It’s Georgia.  Cedars are not a scarce commodity.  They last forever.
Dear Reader, thank you for sticking with me through this rant.

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